Embarrassing Moments in recent history...

My life is full of embarrassing moments - some of which nobody knows about and so they really shouldn't be categorized as "embarrassing" because I got away with that...

I'm one of those slip and fall and bounce back up people though - minor things do not embarrass me much. Maybe because I slip and fall so much? The bruises on my posterior prove it.

I won't go into all the dumb things that happened in High School... the best of which revolve around wisdom teeth, pain medication, and orchestra pits... but I think I told that one before... if you missed it you'll just have to cope... or go back in bloggy time and read it yourself. Here.

The fun thing is I work with a bunch of people now who do embarrassing things ALL the TIME - like sitting in complete strangers' laps at a concert because you wore shoes with no traction... or jumping into the car after a quick run into the convenience store and complaining about all the crap on the floor before you realize this is not your car - and not your Significant Other in the driver's seat...

See, with all of this fodder nobody teases me at ALL about the conference we went to and they had to hold up a missing phone. I look and that's MY phone - so I admit to having lost it in front of the other 40 conference participants and because I'm a little embarrassed I babble (hey, that's what I DO) something about that being my cheap piece of junk phone - I'd recognize it anywhere... only not long after I realize that MY phone is actually still in my pocket so I have to stand up and announce that this is actually someone else's cheap piece of junk phone.

Funny - nobody else claimed it...

but whenever I'm feeling stupid I just start to razz my co-workers about their exploits and I feel much better!

So... who's willing to fess up with their most recent embarrassing moment - I don't want BEST here - although if it's worth a really good laugh go ahead and share :)

Confessions of a Halloween Seamstress...

I like to pretend I can sew. Why??? yeah, I wonder myself sometimes - but I think that in my heart of hearts (or maybe it's the spleen?) I equate sewing with being a good mom. When reality breaks back in I remember that buying my kids clothes is MUCH much MUCH more time efficient and (dare I say it?) "cheaper" than making them myself! Yes, I've made a number of dresses for the girls and before M.O.T.H. forbade it I even made a cute outfit or two for those boys (when they were much younger)





Now that the girls are getting older my dresses don't quite cut the mustard...





Why? you ask??? (you did, didn't you???)





It's because I am what is affectionately called a "Halloween Seamstress"





There are three things you must understand about your typical Halloween Costume:


1- it's going to be worn ONCE, maybe 2 or 3 times if you're really lucky... how good do those seams have to be??


2- if you live somewhere North of... well, me... when those kids go out to trick or treat they are going to need something to wear over the costume... light jacket, heavy parka... whatever - the point being that you could probably skip the costume entirely and just do a funky hairdo, maybe a little make-up - and ta-dah... grab that pillow case and get out there!


3- it's dark when you're trick or treating - nobody is looking closely at your seams - and especially nobody is checking out the uber-crooked zipper on the back of the Cinderella Dress that you slaved over.





See - when you're a Halloween Seamstress you can get away with a TON of little errors. What? you say you made the puffed Cinderella sleeves out of backing fabric??? Pshaw... it'll make it through the night right??? Heck yeah - it actually made it through the next year too!





So there you have it - I'm a Halloween Seamstress... I sew, but only enough to make it look good for a day or two. You want REAL skills??? yeah, talk to Sue Q or Tracey... because if I ever want something that will look nice, I'm going to get THEM to do it :)

(and this is where I USED to have the description of the kids and their costumes... it was very witty... but it disappeared into the ether...)

To sum up: #1 - The Waffler - from Mystery Men... yeah, nobody at school knew either...
#2 - Road Kill... same as last year - no skill involved in driving over some stuffies and shirts.
#3 - Draco Malfoy - made that costume when Harry Potter 3 was released!
#4 - Pirate - picked up that costume 3 years ago on a 90% off after Halloween sale - ch'ching!
#5 - a cheerleader - proof that borrowing is better than sewing - a neighbor had this costume in her costume box completely unused... and it fit perfectly! (well, after a tuck here and there because little M is such a skinny-mini!

and thus begins our holiday season... I'm not ready at all... are you???

a cute little M story - because I'm not up for the theatre reviews I was planning...

First off you have to know that when M is asked what she wants to be when she grows up she tells you a doctor. Then she amends that to being an animal doctor. (we've taught her the word veterinarian, but she mangles it pretty badly so we just stick with animal doctor)

Of course, being an animal doctor is not good enough for her - her plan is to be THE animal doctor for Animal Planet. I don't know where she got this idea - but she DOES watch an awful lot of Animal Planet... it's her new favorite channel. (hey, we don't have much in the way of cable...)


So... the other day M was drawing a picture of Mrs' Claus. She had written "mommyadadddy" on it - so I asked if that was mommy or daddy... silly question I guess because then she pointed out all the curly blonde hair beyind the hat and her high heeled boots.

We had a good laugh that Mommy was going to be Mrs. Claus when I got older - but then things got serious. Somehow she pieced it together that if I was Mrs. Claus then ManOfTheHouse would have to be Santa - and that the current Santa would have to die... this concerned her quite a bit but not as much as the fact that if we lived at the North Pole that:

"I will never see you and then you and Daddy can only watch me on Animal Planet!"

I told her I didn't want to be Mrs. Claus after all - life is much better now :)

Mr Hitchcock, I think you're missing a bird...

The finally flu free family and I enjoyed a day at the reservoir yesterday - sea-doing here and there, wave-running about... soaking in those last few hours of sun and warmth before we pull out the winter clothes. It was lots of fun. Well, minus those horrendous bugs that met us on our arrival - but the wind quickly vanquished the critters and we were able to eat our lunch without the additional protein. I personally don't think my vanilla zingers needed any more protein, they're perfect as is!

At one point I was walking up the sand to chat with my S.I.L. and the others who were congregating near the food (that's the place to be I tell you!) when one of the kids pointed out a big black bird on my car in the parking lot. and when I say big I mean BIG.

I told one of my sons to go chase it away - and didn't think much of it, aside from wondering what on earth it was doing pecking at my windows.

Well, I'll tell you what it was doing - it was getting me back for my post/rant against animals!

After loading the machines on the trailer (which required me to be nearly submerged in the getting colder all the time water) around dusk, I finally saw the front of the car. No windshield wiper - the bird had torn it to shreds. Little birdy droppings everywhere. Scratches galore on the hood and roof and window glass. I was planning to take a few photographs but last night there was no decent light and this morning the ManOfTheHouse drove the car off to return the machines... you'll just have to imagine the mess because I'm sure he's doing his best to clean it up... as a matter of fact I'm pretty sure that's why he hasn't returned yet... there's a touch-up paint out there with our name on it!

So Dear Mr. Hitchcock - that movie scared the b-whozits out of me when I was a kid... great, you did your job - now will you call back your little possessed prop and let me know where I can send the bill???

Thanks!

Whine Flu

the kids aren't whining. The two oldest want to go back to school... but the school doesn't want them back yet. Sore throat/cough/headache/fever has morphed into runny nose and earache today for W. T Jr. is still battling the same old low grade temp and cough... and how H has spiked a temp to go with her cough...

it's me that's whining!

along the lines of "what the what am I going to do about my hours at work?" and "how the hey-ma-whozit are we going to celebrate our anniversary with sick kids" and "hey, didn't you know we are supposed to spend Friday on the sea-doos with the cousins??!?!?!"

sickness never has spectacular timing.

so boo-hoo, whine whine whine, and all that jazz... now it's time to suck it up because I'm the mom and that makes me an expert at sucking it up. I even have a bronzed straw to prove it! (okay, I don't actually HAVE a bronzed straw - but we've discussed it...)

not to worry - all is well... I'll spend tomorrow getting school assignments for these kids so that they can all return to the land of learning as soon as possible - and until then we will make sure we drink plenty of liquids (M.O.T.H. pointed out it would be hard to drink solids) and get plenty of rest. Health and prosperity is just around the corner.... or at least Health is, I think I saw prosperity sneaking off to find a new hiding place...

And happy Anniversary to that ManOfTheHouse - congratulations on putting up with me for 16 years without ever once telling me that your mother's meatloaf was better :) Love you!!!

Animal Magnetism - among other things...

If I'm in a room FULL of people and the family cat or dog walks into the room, guess who it always comes to? Each - and - every - time... ManOfTheHouse gets a great kick out of this phenomenon because in a world of cat people vs. dog people - I am neither. Does that make me a people person?

Awhile back I was enjoying my morning walk and about half way around the park a cat came to join us. This cat had either a death wish or brain damage because it spent the next 10 minutes or so walking either immediately to the right or left of me... the most exciting part of this was when it moved from right to left - then left to right... I'm still shocked that I didn't trip on it... or step on it... or drop kick it into the volleyball court. (For old college friends that are reading this - I promise, it's not considered animal cruelty because I knew the cat would land on its feet!) That same week I was in a neighbor's home and their huge dog the size of Marmaduke must have thought I was his best friend... too big to drop kick, but I did give him a shove or two in the opposite direction and finally the owner locked him in the garage.

Why is this funny? I've often wondered myself why the M.O.T.H. is so amused... but here, I'll tell you why HE thinks it's funny. I REALLY detest most critters - besides the fact that my allergies send me drinking benadryl out of a paper bag on street corners - the animals themselves just annoy me. With apologies to those of you who love little Fido or Mittens like they're your children - I just don't see it... I mean, do you look forward to the day when Fido or Mittens graduates so that you can turn their room into the sewing room? (yes, I'm feeling a bit cynical this week... sorry!)

Not only are animals attracted to me - apparently so is every BAD driver in town. Or maybe it's just the folks that I have been driving with... could that be it??? A co-worker (commonly known as the boss-lady) accused me of driving around in stealth mode after being nearly side swiped TWICE in one day.

The very first time I was nearly smashed in a round-about... and if your city doesn't have these "innovations of transportation" I want you to do something right now (well, after you finish reading my blog) - Write a letter to your city planner and thank them profusely. Seriously. The concept is fine, but the actual use of these things is like icy roads... not everyone should be allowed to drive on them! Thankfully my other co-worker R.L. was in the backseat and took care of instructing the offending driver in where to go... or at least that's what I inferred from the reaction of the other 3 passengers - I was too busy freaking out to listen. Unfortunately R.L. has not been with us for all future near-death car trips - prompting the new office phrase to be "where's R.L. when you need her?"

Other than being attacked by stray felines and nearly driven off the road by their stray-brained owners... life has been, well... "normal"??? By normal of course I mean "ironic" because as I was having all kinds of fun at physical therapy (for a long ago ankle injury) I got a phone call from my son at school... he'd just sprained his ankle! Yikes!

Funny Story - or at least sort of funny, I'll be laughing about it in a few weeks I'm sure: T Jr. rolls his ankle in his weight training class - then hops up to the teacher (a substitute) and tells him he's hurt his ankle and asks what he should do? The Sub: "well, work on your arms"

not kidding. wish I were.

moron.

The REAL coach - he was out with the swine flu. We were a little annoyed with this tidbit of information since he's also a neighbor of ours... then in the last week we realize about 6 of the neighbor kids are down with the swine flu... make that 7 because now W is hacking up a lung. Ugh. The joys of motherhood!

and yes, I DO realize I'm supposed to be calling it H1N1 - yeah, right - when pigs fly...

thanks again to all my wonderful blog readers/friends/family/neighbors/angels in disguise for all of the support and words of comfort - it's meant the world to me... I'm trying to be a better bloggist this week... hmmm... maybe I should have split this post up a tad instead of hitting you with it all at once??? Thanks for sticking with it :)

A little gratitude:

So... we're doing the Thanksgiving thing a little early this year. Why? Because I said so and I'm bigger than you. Hmmm... yeah, okay - so any of you who know me won't buy into that one, how about "because I said so and this is MY blog and SO THERE!" Yeah - that works for me...

Today I'm super grateful for:

Sleep - it refreshes, it centers... someone was playing a game recently and had to stop because their "stamina" was low... I think the character had to eat some pie to refresh their stamina - I tried that yesterday - but sleep is what ultimately did the trick.

Friends - I had SO many messages recently from old friends just offering their support for my family... All of your comments here and facebook (and e-mails) just brightened my day and reminded me why blogging has been such a therapeutic thing (see, I'm laughing now at the ridiculous way the word "therapeutic" looks... what's not therapeutic about laughter?) I even had a dear friend come seek me out at the funeral (seriously, that one hug was worth whatever crazy arrangements you had to make - thanks)... I met new friends who I think might have thought I was a little strange (but hey, you DO know that I'm a part of that one family)...
Speaking of Family - seriously, couldn't have gotten through this without them. From the phone calls at all sorts of ridiculous hours and the shared retail therapy that has resulted in the most comfortable shirt I think I've ever owned - and ESPECIALLY the pie breakfast... I'm so glad to come from a family where my tendency to heal with laughter is not looked upon as evil and heartless.

Laughter - seriously... it's my favorite. Sometimes the tension is just WAY too much and I think we're all about to break in two. I come from the sort of family that someone (not me... I can't claim this one) can say to my sister who is hurting like I can't quite grasp - "honey, just think - that would have been harder to get through if it were in Klingon" and bring a smile to her face... and really - I think the whole world would be much harder to get through if we spoke Klingon... (I think I'd just stay home)

Pie - no explanation.

Gospel truths - I know some of my readers don't come from that little world, and I'm not trying to be preachy, but the faith I have in the teachings of the LDS church regarding death - those have been essential to getting through the past week. I'm not sure how others cope. Knowing that someday - after the ordeal of this earth life - that we will have the opportunity to be with her sweet son. Knowing that we all will have the opportunity to be re-united with those we have lost in life, and knowing that we can be together as a family... that gets me through these hard moments in life... that makes me strive for more of the good moments... that keeps me from going ballistic when my kids make cookies and leave the kitchen a splattered and sticky nightmare... I need to endure, I need to smile, and I need to remember that it's all worth it in the end - and that God's "got my back".

Thanks. Really.